What could happen if you let go of control?

The time between Thanksgiving and the New Year is often so hectic that it can feel like time is running faster than usual. It's supposed to be a season of celebrations, togetherness, and joy. Yet it’s also a season of stress, anxiety, and even more on our plates than usual, no pun intended. (Okay, maybe a little bit).

So how do we get it all done, make sure it’s all “perfect”, and ensure everyone is having fun?

I look back at the Holidays when I was a kid with mixed feelings. We would always travel to see family, which was lovely, except for the traveling. And the traffic. And the packing. And the stress of buying gifts early enough to get them all packed up and brought along. And the worry of hoping that they would be liked. My mom was so stressed and the pressure was on, but what I cared about was spending time with people I loved.

The human connection often gets lost in the hustle of making the perfect experience doesn't it?

Let be and let wordle

Well, you might say, that playing Wordle wouldn’t solve the puzzle of making the season fall into place. Well maybe…

A busy leader told me how she realized she was trying to solve problems by trying harder. It was a Wordle-moment. The next time she was frustrated she couldn’t solve the puzzle, she finally let go. She left it alone, went for a walk, took a shower, and got busy with other things. Later that afternoon, when she picked it back up, the solution was right there in front of her. It was so obvious it took no time at all to solve.

This phenomenon is nothing new. Creatives have long known that stepping away opens us up to new ideas. It's one of the reasons we need Power-Pausing; to give our mind a moment to un-worry, un-focus and un-think.

Letting go of solving the problem might be how we solve the problem.
Or rather find a new way to work on the problem.

The harder we try, the more our mind gets stuck in the same questions we ask ourselves, and with that, the same problems. We keep asking 'why-not' questions;

Why is this not working?
Why can I not figure this out?

Your mind will answer the question you ask it.

In my book, The Self-Care Mindset, I explain that the typical way we think and solve problems leaves us stuck in the pothole of that very problem. Instead, we need to pause, step away, let be; this is when we can see other possibilities .

Over-focused on making everything line up perfectly between now and New Year, while the inner dialog is going on and on about how we don’t have enough time and we are never going to make it, floods our mind with cortisol. Or, in simpler terms, we can only see what’s right in front of us, all the things we have to get done between now and the end of the year.

Remember, we don’t get stressed from what we have to do, we get stressed from what we believe we will not be able to get done.

When we pause and step away from what we worry about, we can reclaim attention on what we care about. When we step away from being hyper-focused on a problem and do something else that lets the mind take a break from worrying, dopamine is released in the brain and creativity and constructive problem-solving kicks in.

So instead of pushing harder, reclaim your agency by pausing for a moment. Lean back and let be, so that you can solve the right problem and ask what you need to make December a joyous time with people you care about.

It’s not easy to see what’s around you if you’re only focused on what’s in front of you.

This season, instead of thinking about everything you have to get done, take a moment to pause to care about what matters - the people you share it with.

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THE QUEST FOR NORMALCY

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WHAT IF GRATITUDE IS NOT ABOUT GIVING?