WHAT DO YOU DO?
photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
Do you get anxious when people ask you this?
We have all been on the receiving end, or we are the ones asking this conversation starter when we meet new people: So what do you do? This way of identifying us as people is most disliked, especially when we are either unhappy with our jobs, in between them, transitioning jobs, or simply tired of being identified by what we do.
I was recently at a conference in DC where I had this very conversation with someone, and we both agreed that the back and forth about occupations would not really help us get to know much about each other. Instead, we jumped into a conversation about what we care about and why we are passionate about it.
Yet the question, “What do you do?” is the one we practice elevator pitches to answer, hoping for the light in someone’s eyes to shine with curiosity, wanting to know more about us.
And yes, I’ve been there too and still am because when someone asks me what I do, I have to come up with something clever to say as well beyond… I’m a keynote speaker. Most then ask what I speak about, and instead of just giving them my topic, I share what I care about and why I do what I do. That tends to create a more interesting dialogue about their lives and how they feel about their relationships at work, their culture, and how they feel valued, appreciated, seen, and heard.
I know a lot of people who get anxious and awkward in public simply because of this question. Is it because we don’t know what to say? Is it because we think the answer should be a sales pitch of ourselves? Or is it because we know that what we answer is now who we are in the eyes of the other person?
It’s who you are that makes you great.
When people experience loss at work, it can be quite devastating because of the social construct we have built up around status, titles, and identifying so much with our work. With so many people finding themselves in a reorg at work, maybe getting moved to a new position where they have to learn new skills, or maybe getting laid off or deciding to leave because the workplace culture is not healthy for them, the safety of our job-identity, the familiarity of “who we are because of what we do” is being shaken and stirred.
I’ve been there too. I have lost jobs that I believed were “me” and had to work through that loss as if I had lost myself. Now, I want to add that loss affects us and means something differently to all of us, so I’m certainly not attempting to generalize here. What I am addressing is the confusion and sense of loss that many feel right now around changes at work.
Of course, this causes stress and anxiety; it can cause micro-aggressions, power-plays and also hopelessness, sadness, and depression. Our well-being is tied to how we think, feel, engage, and act. It’s tied into the people we do it with because our well-being is in a direct relationship with work and others, not just ourselves.
Loss at work can show up in many ways:
Loss of community, loss of friends, loss of security and safety, loss of career dreams and hopes, loss of direction, loss of meaning and purpose. Our work identity is built into the fabric of how we live our daily lives and who we do it with.
Today, I only want to share that it’s okay to feel loss, and I also want to encourage you to see yourself in a new light. What I have learned from the loss and grief, the confusion, anger, and sadness of loss at work is this:
Who I am is not what I do. Who I am shows up in everything I do.
It’s not how hard you work or your title that makes you great; it’s who you are that makes you great.
The point is that your identity is not a label. It’s always changing because we constantly learn and grow. That’s nature, and we are too. So I ask you this… can you let who you are continuously becoming be more expressed from the inside out?
