you cannot self-help yourself back to work

It's that time of year when we need to re-motivate ourselves to return to work. Summer is ending, school is just beginning, and our time will no longer be our own in the same way that summer allows us to linger and wander.

Of course, mindset is everything regarding our mood. You might be excited if you're starting a new job or project. However, if you're returning to a stressful and toxic work environment, you might be filled with dread or anxiety instead.

SOMETIMES WE ARE JUST NOT IN THE MOOD

Nothing is quite as frustrating as knowing we must do something when we don't feel like it—at least not right now. This feeling can strike at any time, but the moment we wake up is often our first encounter with it. Even if you're not struggling with depression, getting out of bed can turn into a real "I have to, but I don't want to" internal dialogue.

Mel Robbins has a method called the "5-second rule," where you count down and then take action. While this can be an effective way to force yourself out of bed, it doesn't necessarily address the underlying lack of motivation. Take an athlete, for example. It's easy to look at their dedication and assume they're always hyper-motivated, but that's not true. A world-class swimmer was asked how they stay motivated to wake up at 3 AM every day for practice, and their answer might surprise you. I'll tell you more about it later on.

WE DON’T WAKE UP MOTIVATED

Despite what many people claim, you can't simply "self-help" your way to motivation. The idea that we can choose to have a positive mindset and then we will be motivated is a perspective that leaves many of us feeling disconnected from our true power because, in real life, it's unrealistic to maintain constant positivity. Of course, if you can do that, it's great. Our true power lies in listening and using our feelings as fuel rather than ignoring them with false positivity.

In his books on high performance, Steven Kotler emphasizes that we cannot always be in flow. If you believe you are, you might be stimulated by caffeine or other substances, or you may be in constant survival mode, with fear driving you into a manic, always-on state.

Natural flow and genuine motivation emerge after the initial struggle—after pushing through those sticky "I don't want to" moments with active curiosity.

This is partly why Mel Robbins' 5 Second Rule is effective: once we start, motivation builds. However, it leaves us having to “Just Do It, like Nike's famous slogan.

The missing element is learning about ourselves and what we need to shift our way of being in the world.

That’s why I don't advocate forcing yourself into action; it’s not the path to sustainable motivation. Instead, I suggest working with the paradox between fear and desire, worry and care.

WE ARE ESSENTIALLY DRIVEN BY CARE, NOT BY FEAR

We often focus on what we're not doing, getting stuck on potential adverse effects if we don't "get our act together." Instead of building ourselves up, we're quick to break ourselves down. For example, if we miss a gym day, rather than considering alternative ways to stay active, we berate ourselves with "must do it tomorrow, or else..." When we inevitably fall short, we feel like failures, and our inner dialogue reflects this negative self-relationship.

We might even try to motivate ourselves through fear, using FUD (fear, uncertainty, and doubt) and FOMO (fear of missing out). We tell ourselves that we'll never lose weight, be loved, or amount to anything if we don't get going. But how effective is this for motivation?

We cannot beat ourselves—or anyone else—into motivation. Companies would be filled with highly motivated and engaged employees if fear worked.

Fear might motivate us for a short while, which is essentially what practices like diets bank on. "I won't fit into that outfit for my friend's wedding if I don't lose weight" is a big one for the diet brands. 

FEAR IS NOT A SUSTAINABLE MOTIVATOR; CARE IS.

It's fair to say that most people dislike dieting. This isn't primarily because healthy food tastes terrible—well-prepared healthy food can be delicious. The issue lies in the fear-based messaging often accompanying diets, warning of dire consequences if we don't follow specific regimens.

We might embark on a healthier lifestyle after receiving a concerning diagnosis like high cholesterol or high blood pressure. Our motivation here would stem from the fear of mortality. Similarly, we might work overtime to avoid getting fired for missing a deadline or making a mistake. However, fear-based motivation isn't sustainable. Even if you repeat positive mantras every morning, they won't resonate unless you genuinely believe them. While popular, this approach to self-improvement may not be truly effective. Are these glamorized self-help techniques helping you?

True motivation comes from what we genuinely care about. When I was told it was only a matter of time before I would get cancer, I began exploring and studying the factors that contribute to illness and health. We know that stress makes us ill. So, if we pursue health out of fear, it's likely to be less effective and sustainable. We will lose motivation because the positive or negative outcome lies too far in the future.

Instead, true motivation comes from feeling better daily and focusing on living a good life. We need to focus on what we gain, not what we lose. For me, I did start changing my lifestyle out of fear of cancer until I realized that wasn’t the real motivation for me. The real motivation was what I would be doing with my life if I were to beat cancer. In the same way, we don’t lose weight because we must fit into an outfit; we lose weight because of what we can do with our life when we are more healthy and fit. Think of hiking up a mountain instead of just walking along the street.

Our motivation is to do good work that matters because we humans have an inherent need to matter, to be included, to feel like we are contributing to something meaningful, and that our time and effort add value. That’s also why companies that have strong values and live them as part of the culture perform better and have higher employee satisfaction.

FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CARE ABOUT

To get out of bed in the morning or get motivated to start something like a new project, start by identifying your fears if you don’t do it. But don't get stuck in the story of the inner critic that will have you believe you are worthless and lazy. Instead, use your fears as information to dive deeper into the question: what would good look like, and why does that matter to me today, short-term, long-term? Look at your motivation for doing something rather than fighting against the part of you that is not in the mood right now.

Of course, you might want to know what the swimmer answered. They said that most mornings, the thought of getting into the cold water when it was dark outside was not enticing, but knowing that they were swimming toward the goal of winning gold was. So even if they didn’t feel like it at the moment, they kept doing it anyway because they knew that they loved it the moment they were in the water.

As Steven Kotler says, we must embrace the struggle of starting to get into the flow, where our peak performance lies. That means that the battle will first release cortisol, our stress hormone, and it will have us resist. Once we move through that, we experience release, and dopamine kicks in. That hormone makes us feel focused, excited, and successful. In turn, it releases endorphins, which happens when we work out. That’s when we enter a state of joy and flow. Then, we need to ensure that we recover afterward by relaxing, which releases serotonin. Without the recovery stage, we will experience exhaustion and burnout instead, costing us motivation because the memory of exertion is not joy; it’s fatigue.

POWER-PAUSING IS THE KEY TO UNLOCKING YOUR MIND

The pause is essential for recovery. However, it’s so much more than that. Pausing gives you agency over your inner critic instead of relying on positive thinking to get you through. It's a tangible tool for changing the self-hypnosis of your self-talk.

The pause gives you a moment to listen, notice how you feel, and reset your attention on your values and why it matters to you.

The pause gives you space to reflect so that instead of “just doing it,” you choose to do it by asking yourselves what you need so that you can... Choosing to engage is the anti-dote to overcoming resistance. It’s how we move from “I should” and “I have to” towards connecting with why we “want to.”

The power of choice that comes from CARE is the most vital human drive. It's the connection between heart and mind. When dopamine is released in the brain, we start to look for what's possible.

Power-Pausing gives you space to listen and ask more questions. This lets you dive deeper into understanding what you care about and why something matters. The key is to ask "why" questions to peel back the layers of surface-level motivations. This process helps you identify your core values and deeper reasons behind your actions and goals. By focusing on what you genuinely care about, you can tap into a more sustainable source of motivation.

Remember, the goal is to move beyond fear-based motivation of what might happen if you don’t and shift to care-based motivation, which focuses on what you can make happen if you do.