grow with the flow

Why can’t we let go?

It’s a bit of a paradox that the way to stay in control is by letting go of control.

Recently, I was interviewed on a podcast, and the host asked how I navigate challenging times when things don't go as planned. My answer? Acceptance.

I had to practice this again last week. My dog Maya is recovering from surgery for a cruciate ligament tear. She was improving so very well. But then, one evening, while trying to get up, I heard a pop, and she couldn’t stand on her other leg. The vet confirmed she had torn that ligament, too, extending her recovery from 8 to 16 weeks with another surgery.

It's heart-wrenching to see her struggle when she was just on the mend. I feel powerless beyond patience and know that blaming myself or changing the situation is futile. It happened, and we have to deal with what is. Accepting this reality is the only action that helps to regain peace of mind. Her next surgery is scheduled, and my plans are rescheduled.

CHANGE HAPPENS  

Acceptance can be mistaken for giving up, but all we give up is the fight against what we cannot change and focusing on what we can control. Acceptance is how we can focus on how we choose to respond and with that empower ourselves to adapt and be more agile when the unexpected and unwelcome happens.

I acknowledge that Maya is not a life-altering challenge, and it's much more complex when we’ve invested time and resources into a career, relationship, or project only to see it unravel. However, it's human to cling to familiar paths and resist change because of wanting to avoid uncertainty and fear of the unknown.

ACKNOWLEDGE THAT IT SUCKS 

Please don’t believe you have to be strong and unaffected. Acknowledging disappointment is crucial for progress. Grief accompanies loss, and letting go of control is very uncomfortable and against our nature. However, it's the doorway to shifting our focus onto how we respond to situations. 

When we resist change, we get stuck in a fixed mindset that tries to keep things the way we know them, inside our comfort zone. Outside our comfort zone, there is both stress and growth. The key is to get more comfortable with discomfort so that we can take a chance at change and grow with the flow.

SUNK COST AND THE ART OF LETTING GO 

The challenge of letting go is deeply rooted in our psychology. From a young age, we learn to attach our sense of self to our possessions, achievements, and relationships, creating a sense of stability. However, when these attachments no longer serve us, letting go can feel like losing a part of ourselves or a betrayal of our time and effort.

This is where the concept of sunk cost comes into play. Sunk cost refers to the resources—time, money, effort—that we've already invested and cannot recover. Rational decision-making suggests that we should not let sunk costs dictate our future actions, yet emotionally, it's incredibly difficult to cut our losses and move on. We cling to the hope that our investment will eventually pay off, even when all evidence suggests otherwise.

Reflecting on my experiences, I see how mistakes and failures have shaped me. Though avoiding some setbacks would have been nice, they contributed to my growth and ability to solve problems effectively.

I invite you to pause and consider that letting go is not a defeat but rather an act of courage.

My mentor always said that a mistake is a missed take of a situation, often because we didn't pause to ask more questions. Instead of beating ourselves up, we can spend our time reflecting and seeing more clearly so that our experiences become stepping stones to growth and new opportunities.

LETTING BE IS A CHOICE TO STOP FIGHTING AGAINST THE FLOW 

To navigate the process of progress, it's crucial to practice self-awareness and self-responsibility. (the A and R in CARE) 

• Recognize the effort you’ve invested, but also understand that holding on to what no longer serves you can be more harmful than beneficial.

• Reflect on your experiences, acknowledging that your identity is shaped by resilience and adaptability, not just by successes or failures.

• Rethink your way forward. Letting be means allowing things to remain as they are while finding ways to grow by adapting. It’s about making new choices and creating space for new possibilities.

GROW WITH THE FLOW 

Next time you struggle to let go of a dream or idea, consider how embracing change could foster growth. Trust that letting go isn’t losing a part of yourself but making way for a new version of you to emerge. Stay resilient, adapt, and open to change, and remember that true control lies in how we respond to life’s twists and turns.

I invite you to consider what could change if you were to embrace growing with the flow.